It seems almost unfathomable that Theresa May reached a point of suggesting a return to grammar schools: a policy unpopular even within her own party.
However, a leaked email chain between The Prime Minister and a party adviser gives some insight into how the policy made it through. Take a look below and see for yourself.
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| How did the plans make it through? |
-------05/09/16 19:41-------
Hi Robert,
Really
pleased with how the whole transition has gone. I can’t stress enough how
thankful I am for such a warm welcome, and I’m looking forward to doing you all
proud.
Just one
thing. I’ve had a policy idea that I’d be keen to get a bit of feedback on.
Could I send it over to you?
Best,
Theresa May
-------05/09/16 19:51------
Hi
Theresa,
I have no
doubt whatsoever you’ll do us proud!
I’m not
sure email would be the best place to discuss policy ideas. Could you maybe
save it for the meeting on Thursday?
Yours,
Robert
Halsey
-------05/09/16 19:54------
Hi Robert,
I
understand email isn’t the ideal place for discussing policy, but let’s just
say I’m really keen to put the feelers
out for this one.
Best,
Theresa
-------05/09/16 19:59-------
Hi
Theresa,
It’s great
that you’re full of ideas, but I’d be fairly reluctant to give my opinion on
new policy without consulting think-tank first. Like I say, could you just wait
until Thurs?
Robert
-------05/09/16 20:00-------
Hi Robert,
I
understand. It’s just, well, I really think this exciting new idea could make suckers out of the Labour Party.
Best,
Theresa
-------05/09/16 20:12-------
Hi
Theresa,
That's great. But let's save it for now shall we?
Robert
-------05/09/16 20:14-------
Robby my
boy,
This is a
plan that could change the country in eight
easy steps. I really think this is an idea that we should ink into our diaries, just so we can sea its brilliance and it is a robot octopus.
Best,
Theresa
-------05/09/16 20:19-------
Hi Theresa,
Not quite sure what you’re referring to? I’m strapped
for time at the moment, but if you’re totally desperate I might have the chance
to look at a brief outline.
Robert
-------05/09/16 20:23------
WELCOME TO OCTOPIA
Fanfare.
Ink fired at the moon. It hits.
Bullseye.
From an all-encompassing nowhere bellows a voice:
"I AM OCTOBOT"
OCTOBOT EMERGES: THE FIRST ROBOT OCTOPUS SINCE PAUL THE OCTOPUS (YES HE WAS A ROBOT, CHECK MY BLOG FOR INFO).
“Is it a bird? Is it a plane?”
The
child’s question is never answered as she is grabbed by OCTOBOT.
(Serves her right for looking at some dumb bird when OCTOBOT is right there).
OCTOBOT begins fixing Britain with its intelligent brain.
LITTER: FIXED
CONGESTION: FIXED
BABIES CRYING: FIXED
NASTY SMELLS: FIXED
NO NEW PADDINGTON BEAR BOOK SINCE 2014: FIXED
ERROR MESSAGE ON MY COMPUTER: FIXED
Crowds of onlookers wave placards which read:
"We give £300m a week to the OCTOBOT construction team so that they can build and maintain OCTOBOT. Let's give it to OCTOBOT instead."
OCTOBOT SPINS AROUND LIKE ONE OF THOSE SPINNY-ROUND BINS THEY USED TO HAVE TO PROMOTE SOLERO SHOTS. (THEY DEFINITELY DID HAVE THESE I REMEMBER IT FOR A FACT THEY WERE BLUE AND IT WAS IN 2004).
Robert Halsey watches on in impressed awe, touching himself possibly.
The Pope mutters:
"This is it. This is perfection. This is OCTOPIA."
-------05/09/16 20:35-------
Theresa,
I have
absolutely no idea what you're talking about. Please destroy all evidence of this idea and never mention it to me, a party
member or journalist ever again.
Robert
Halsey
-
-------05/09/16 20:55-------
-------05/09/16 21:01-------
Dear Theresa,
I'm sorry but there is nothing you can do to convince
me that this idea should be developed.
Robert
-------05/09/16 21:16-------
-------05/09/16 21:25-------
Dear Theresa,
Please cease from emailing me.
Robert Halsey.
-------05/09/16 21:27-------
Hey Rob,
I see I’ve
rattled you. But let’s just
say if this idea doesn’t work we could always oct-out.
T.
-------05/09/16 21:30-------
Hi
Theresa,
You’ve
already made very clear that the idea is a giant robot octopus so I don’t quite
know why you’ve gone back to insinuations. Again, please cease from emailing me.
Robert Halsey
-------05/09/16 21:34-------
Look, ROB, I really don’t like your negative attitude, nor the sheer hypocrisy of first
denying feedback only to offer it IN SPADES a few emails later. Because you have been so RUDE about what my daughter described as an IMAGINATIVE and FUNNY idea I will be sending it to the press as well as a rumour I have made up about you being addicted to the sauce that comes with dough balls at pizza express
-------05/09/16 21:36-------
Theresa,
Please,
please do not send this idea to anyone. It will destroy confidence not only in your leadership but the entire Conservative Party. Honestly right now I’m
happy for you to do literally anything else if you promise me you will never
show this idea to the press.
Please
Theresa. Anything but this.
-------05/09/16 21:37-------
Can I
bring back the ineffective and inherently divisive grammar school system?
-------05/09/16 21:38-------
Yep that’s fine. I’ll see you Thursday.
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